Relationships

THE LISTENING FATHER: The Role of A Father in The Life of His Daughter

Last week, I  had the honor of interacting with some fathers and their daughters at the US Consulate Lagos. This event was organized by the The Girls Aide initiative, founded by Dr. Abosede Lewu.

The objectives for the event as communicated by the organizers were:

  • Setting a tone for conversations between fathers and daughters.
  • Educate them on the bigger role and responsibilities they have to their Daughters.
  • Enlighten them on the role of men in gender parity.

As we all know, parenting in the digital age is way different from parenting in our parents’ time. It’s become even more imperative that there needs to be a change in certain areas of parenting in this present times. For this change to happen, parents need to first understand the pros and the cons of the 21st century and how it affects our children.

ABSENTEEISM

I had a breakout session with the fathers and many of them had questions that needed answers. One major challenge with today’s parents especially fathers, is absenteeism. Work, social and other life challenges make fathers to not be there for their children as much as they should. We see many children picking up the habits and values of their nannies and their drivers because they spend the most time with them. Understand that when you let go of your right as a parent, you must deal with the implications that come with it. Note that like everything else, it is not just about how long you spend with your kids but the quality of time you spend. Many parents are physically with their children but are absent because they are on the phone or doing something else.

TIP: All you need is one quality hour a day with your child. Prepare and plan what it is you want your child to emulate and learn. Whatever it is you do not want them to copy from you, eliminate it out of your life. With children, it is not about what you say but what you do. Use yourself as an example, motivate and inspire your children to be all that they were created to be. Let them see you excel & live right and aspire to do just like you and even greater.

CULTURE & WESTERNIZATION:

It is crucial that as parents, we maintain a balance between our African culture and the ones we import from the western world. What part of our culture do we need to retain and what part do we need to do away with? How do we filter the western culture that violate our values and principles? How do you filter what your children consume on the internet – what internet security plans have you put in place? Some fathers shared that K9 and Net Nanny are some of the tools they use to protect their kids on the web. What are the governing values and beliefs of your family? Do you have family values? Do your children know, understand and live them? It’s not too late to create and communicate values that are true to your family at large and that will help serve them.

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Great breakout session with the fathers
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Daughters need to be partners with their fathers and feel free to share with them all they are going through. No matter how smart a boy is, he cannot be smarter than your father

 

Don't intimidate your child, give her the freedom to talk to you. Take your daughter for lunch, shopping etc.. You are the first example of a man that your daughter has - Adesuwa Oyenokwe
Don’t intimidate your child, give her the freedom to talk to you. Take your daughter for lunch, shopping etc.. You are the first example of a man that your daughter has – Adesuwa Oyenokwe
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Apologizing to all the daughters on behalf of their fathers after the plenary sessions. Fathers received great feedback from Adesuwa after her session with the girls.
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There is a loss of the physical community as more and more people move to the virtual world. Today’s child does not have the extra support that the community provided, everybody seems to be minding his own business. Give your child the opportunity to explore his/her talents, have a conversation with your kids – Dr. Abosede Lewu gave a brilliant presentation on parenting and the challenges of adolescence

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One of my favorite segments of the event was when the fathers and daughters were asked to do a painting together. Psychologically, I could see the relationship of these families reflected in what they painted.
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Trying to choose the 3 paintings that resonated with us and the event the most.
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I got the fathers to set specific relationship goals with their daughters and have the daughters read the one mutually set goal out to everyone. Powerful!
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Ended the session with everyone holding hands and declaring the “Love Affirmation”. The daddies got to hug all the daughters in the room and tell them “I Love You”.
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Group photo with some of the fathers and their girls

You can do the same with your daughter/son in your home today. In the next 5, 10, 20 years; what kind of relationship do you want to have with your child or parent? Write it down and work towards achieving it.

The Catalyst, Lanre Olusola 

OSCAR PISTORIUS – A VICTIM OF HIS PAST AND LIFE

Oscar Pistorius, the embattled South African sprint runner and Olympic athlete who has been involved in what can be termed the world’s most televised trial of the 21st century, appeared at North Gauteng High Court this morning after a three-and-a-half year legal battle. Oscar Pistorius repeatedly shot his 29-year-old model girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, after she barricaded herself in the bathroom of his home in Pretoria on February 2013.

Oscar is a broken man and he needs help. Evidence over the last one year revealed that Oscar has lived with Anxiety and Fear attacks for several years. The court came to a shocking realization that there were two Oscars “Pistoriuses”. More info

MIND THE GAP : Practical Tips to Build Friendship in Your Relationship.

Still on our Mind The GAP relationship series on Friendship as one of the pillars to build strong and harmonious relationships on. “Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.” ―Oscar Wilde Here are some practical tips to build friendship in your relationship. 1) Know your spouse…

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RELATIONSHIP & THE SCISSORS PRINCIPLES : The Importance of Synergy

Today, we discuss Principle No 5 from the scissors – Synergy. Synergy is the key to the effectiveness of a pair of scissors – the two parts must come together and work together before anything can be cut. Without this synergy no cut will happen.

No matter how sharp and beautiful each part is, to maximize their potential, they have to be joined together. During the purpose of their joining it’s important that they are equals(s) if not, they won’t function optimally. They work and walk best side by side not front to back. Men must understand that their wives are equals with them even though they’re required to submit to the Lord through them in the marriage.  For smooth and perfect cuts, the two parts must become ONE. More info

RELATIONSHIP & THE SCISSORS PRINCIPLES: Understanding Strengths and Weaknesses

We continue with our lessons on Relationship Principles from the Scissors. Today, I want us to look at relationship Principle No 4  – understanding your strengths and weaknesses as a couple or team.

Every pair of scissors has a sharp part and a dull part. The front or the face is sharp while the back is dull. In the same vein, every couple has areas of strengths and weaknesses. This is where we introduce the pillar of Knowledge and Understanding of each other. Your spouse is created with and over the years has developed many positive and powerful gifts, skills and qualities; likewise, several negatives. More info