COACHING SOCIAL MEDIA WEEK: Feeding Your Love Hungry Heart

Written By Adaeze “Spicy” Adophy

yearning for love

Heal me, I’m heartsick
I’m hungry and I’m broken
I’m haunted, and weeping

These are the beginning lyrics to a song titled ‘Heal Me, I am Heartsick’, a haunting sad picture of a love hungry heart weeping to be loved.

Falling in love brings us straight to the yearnings of our heart – our hunger for meaning, comfort, satisfaction, and safety. These yearning are usually born out of unmet dependency needs mostly rooted in early childhood and growing life experiences that may cause one to feel worthless, unlovable, insecure, even endangered, or as if his/her only value lies in meeting someone else’s need.

These deprivations leave gaps in our emotional make up and we often subconsciously develop ways of dealing with them. We adapt rather than heal, cope rather than cure ourselves of these neediness.

These gaps inevitably show up when we fall in love or maybe start dating. We become needy and dependent on our partners as we try to get from them what was denied us in the past. But the reality is this, until we heal and address our inner neediness, it doesn’t matter how much someone loves us, the love hungry heart will soon be empty, aching and yearning again.

Still on the lyrics to ‘Heal Me, I am Heartsick’ this chorus line– ‘Hungry! Thought I could survive on you’ illustrates this malady.

How Can You Feed A Love Hungry Heart? 

This is the time to identify what was missing (the yearnings of your heart) so that you can give it to yourself.

Is your love hungry heart yearning to be loved and protected? And you are asking ‘can this ache ever go away or be healed’? Absolutely. But for that to happen, you must first give to yourself that which you are aching for. You must learn to love and take care of yourself.

Is your love hungry need coming from a desire to validate your worthiness? Without first coming to a place of self appreciation and self worth, you cannot receive from another the validation you seek. Until you validate your worthiness based on Self love and acceptance no-one can do so for you.

Is your love hungry heart starved of the meal of kindness and affection? Feed your heart by practicing acts of genuine kindness. Be affectionate towards yourself and extend same to others. Celebrate yourself, take a break and explore ways to pamper yourself.

To feed and wholly heal our love hungry hearts from our inner poverty and deprivation, we must turn our attention toward giving to ourselves the things that were missing from our past.

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You cannot get what was missing in your past from another person until you are actively engaged in doing all that you can to give it to yourself. Remember, ‘Hungry! Thought I could survive on you’ doesn’t cut it!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: 

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Known by her acronym SPICY – (Speak Positively to Inspire and Cause to Yield!), Adaeze Adophy is the author of the best selling inspirational, life changing and Self Improvement  book ‘This Spicy Little Book Will Change Your Life‘.  She is an Inspirational Speaker and Facilitator, a Certification Trained Psychologist and Creative Life Coach.  Adaeze  runs a Personal Development, Love and Relationship Solutions Coaching Service called SPICY Chrysalis. follow her on twitter @AddieSPICY