Written By Segun Akande
A few days ago I asked a few of my BBM contacts the three things they disliked most about the early stages of dating.
Below are some of their responses:
1. The lies we tell ourselves.
2. The high expectations we put on ourselves (which can make u feel either inferior or superior).
3. The constant second-guessing
4. Untruthful / untrustworthy persons
5. If we don’t naturally click and have chemistry, I can’t wait for the date to be over.
6. I only dislike one thing to be honest: The “Games”.
7. The pressure of trying to impress your date
8. Your expectations of each other, mostly unrealistic ones
9. The confusion- not being on the same page; wanting different things.
10. The process of getting to know someone is quite tedious, especially when they are not being honest
11. Fear of rejection
And my favorite of all the answers;
12. Instant messaging has replaced the need to date.
So it seems there is a distinct lack of trust in other people’s ability to be completely open about who they are, where they are in life, what they can and can’t offer, what they like and don’t like, and where they are heading. This is followed closely by a general contempt for the inevitable mind games that accompany the early stages of dating / courting.
Mind games? What mind games I hear you ask? Let’s see now – oh yes, here’s one – if you’re too keen early on then it’s a turn off. But if you suddenly show absolutely no interest at all then the other party sits up and pays attention. There was a time when this was part and parcel of the excitement of dating. But alas as each generation becomes even more impatient than the last, mind games are no longer tolerable.
To be honest I never did like the mind games. So – if we all yearn for the early stages of dating to be swept clean of those debilitating mine-fields of dishonesty, false expectations, mind games, and wondering whether you really are in-fact at all compatible, then I have one very simple answer.
Cut out the bull all-together.
1. You’re either attracted to each other or you’re not
2. You either get on or you don’t
3. If you both like each other then why the need for mind-games? Life’s simply too short.
4. Be totally honest, and be yourself from the very beginning. False expectations will only lead to disappointment and resentment later on; usually when it’s far too late.
If someone doesn’t like you then dust yourself off and accept that he or she is simply not God’s choice for you. The worst thing you can do is to pretend to be what you think he or she likes. It will be bring nothing but stress, disappointment, and countless headaches caused by the inevitable lack of peace of mind that accompanies falsehood of any kind.
I remember a good friend of mine telling me this about twelve months ago as I wallowed in self pity after realizing that a lady I liked wasn’t remotely interested in me (shocking it was!!). It certainly made me feel a whole lot better!!
Finally, the era of BBM and Whatsapp have made it possible to know whether or not you are compatible with someone well before you meet for the first time. It is usually quite clear from the initial skirmishes whether or not you’re going to get along with someone. I remember being introduced to someone via BBM many months back, and realizing fairly quickly as we engaged in what must have been the most tedious stop/start conversation ever witnessed on this side of the Atlantic, that a ten year old child being sent to his or her room with absolutely nothing to play with, read, or do, would probably have a more interesting time than we would if we ever met.
It is for this reason that my favourite answer is number 12, it’s absolutely spot on. You can indeed get to know someone quite intimately on BBM. It also removes that element of nervousness and dread when you first meet; because you both more or less know that you get on already.
And be direct. Send pictures of each other. Or at least get the person who introduced you to do so discretely. If you’re not attracted to someone, or vice versa, face the fact, deal with it, and move on. There’s somebody out there for everyone.
Nice one number 12. You know who you are *wink*
I would love to hear more dating ‘games’ from you if you think we left some out. Have a great day…
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Segun Akande possesses extensive experience in diverse business fields including Financial Services, Recruitment, Business Research, Training and Sales. Widely acknowledged as an expert on Sales, Segun has continued to gain a reputation for the “Effective Sales” courses he facilitates.
He is the Managing Director of SBA Interactive, a financial data services and research company based in Lagos with close ties to Reuters, Bloomberg, and The Financial Times Interactive Data, as well as clients including Goldman Sachs and Barclays Capital.
A published author, Segun also spends time pursuing his love and passion for writing. Having books such as hit children’s novel, “Izzy and Larry the Dinosaur” to his credit.